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| As I watched the dallas
skyline fade from my window seat on swa, all of a sudden I felt a tinge of sadness. It’s strange because dallas
isn’t even my home. But it is now the
place where my parents live and I guess that’s the definition of home to
me. Leaving home always reminds me of
how much older I’m getting, and in turn, how much older my parents are getting,
and the next time I come home they’re gonna be even older, half a year older to
be exact. And then after that summer,
there will be no more summers, just school school school, quarter after quarter
and then out to the work field. It just
makes me realize how precious time is, and how precious time spent with them
is.
Both my parents and Aim took me to
the airport, when it was really just a one person job. And we sat there in silence in the car with
some country music humming in the background, and I wondered, why is it that
all 3 came, it’s not like we’re talking, it’s not like we ever really say much
to each other. I noticed that lots of
lunches and dinners with the four of us is spent in silence, but a comfortable
silence, not that awkward kind of silence, just… comfortable.
Vacation was good, very good this
time around. It was nice not having to
go into the restaurant and work. Nice to
have my parents not have to go to the restaurant and work. And for the most part, I wasn’t woken up in
the mornings and reprimanded for sleeping in late, that was awesome, I love my
sleep. Lots and lots of shopping in
malls! In Chicago
it’s mostly downtown outdoor store to store shopping (boutique style?), which
gets really tiring, and at this time of year… freezing! I got to play with goa and iris’ friend’s
babies, I love babies! Got to catch up
on america’s
next top model, I cannot believe that Carrie Dee (sp?) won, ugh. Caught up on HOUSE, I love house, house is
sooooo good. Got to spend time with the
siblings and their counterparts which is always fun, exchanged gifts and such,
and showed them pics of the peeps in chi-town that I hang with and of stuff
that I’ve been up to these past 4 months.
Which reminds me of the photo blog I’ve been wanting to do, but have
been too lazy to do. Vacation was great,
I even got all of the studying I wanted to get done done, without feeling burnt
out. And now I’m back in Chicago
enjoying the time with no one here sitting in our lounge watching the notebook,
one of my very favorite movies. I love
Rachel mcadams, she’s soo pretty.
I love chick flicks and all of the
romance. Beginning of relationships are
fun aren’t they? Being in a relationship
is fun, isn’t it? Some people say that
watching these kinds of movies aren’t uplifting to girls. It stirs in us a desire for something,
something that may not at the time be meant for us, and takes away our focus on
God. But… I still love ‘em. A relationship with that significant other is
something pretty significant isn’t it?
Something not to be taken lightly.
And while it’s fun to entertain thoughts of being in a relationship and
going on dates, I’ve come to realize how important it is not to rush into
anything. I realized it each meal time
before we ate. It wouldn’t be our father
leading us in prayer, but rather, my mother.
And while I admire my mother’s strength and faith, I realized that I
don’t want to be as strong as she if I don’t have to be.
I’ve always “ideally” have “wanted”
my future husband to be “strong” in his faith and “lead” me. And if you didn’t notice all of the
quotations marks, I think I just wanted these things because it’s what I’ve
always been told to want, and what all of the other girls say when they list
the qualities they want in a future husband.
And lately I think I’ve just been rebellious and tired of wanting what
everyone wants for me, and bitter towards this “quality” required in my future
husband. Everyone’s expectations just
make me angry and bitter for some reason.
Rawr! Heheh, that felt good. I’ve always felt like, well its ok with me if
my husband isn’t a strong Christian, it’s something I’m ok with not
having. But I’m reminded of the
conversation I had early in the quarter with Hannah (u’ll see pics of her at
some point if I ever do the photo blog), she said maybe you’re ok with not
having that, but God isn’t ok with you having that, God doesn’t want that for
you, he wants the best for you, someone that can lead you and encourage you in
your walk. Well… those weren’t her exact
words, but that’s what I got out of it. i'm also reminded early in the semester when i was out with bry and iril lavigne at a korean supermarket eating bulgogi. bry and iril had been in separate cities for about 2 yrs, but they were finally together, and as man and wife in the same city. and as i watched iris lean her head on bryan's shoulder, i realized... wow, it's so simple, but its forever...
So n-e ways relationships are fun, but I am in no rush to get into
one. It IS something I want to give to
God and enjoy being single, and instead hopefully have my focus on Him. Who knows, maybe I’ll never get married, and
as I think more and more about it, I’m ok with that. Is God ok with that? I guess that’s what faith is, trusting in Him
and giving Him total control of our future, and being satisfied, and happy with
what he gives us and plans on giving us.
What’s up with the whole old Rachel mcadam’s
character having alzheimer’s thing, is that REALLY an important part of the
movie? Can’t they just tell the love
story without the old man having to read “their” story out of “The
Notebook”? but I guess they’d have to
think of another title eh? | | |
| today marks one week that i've been in chicago, and i already love it! hehe. jk that's a little bit of an exaggeration. but seriously, chicago is awesome, i'm really excited to live here for the next 3 years (4th year we do externships).
i admit, the first day of unofficial orientation was kind of hard, and even though i enjoy time spent alone, alone time was a little sad that first dayish. but meeting people has been really great, and we've gone out and done stuff together every night.
we've hit the bar scene, the club scene, shopping in downtown, museums, chinatown, and definitely have been getting to know the transit system. i have spent $6.00 alone today for three train rides, that's gonna be hecka expensive down the line.
so i've been hanging out with this groups of girls and yes we are mostly asian, but it's ok. i think i'm gonna stay away from boys for a while. cliques have already began to form, and i am very happy to belong to one. lol jk. but seriously, i'm surprised at how well we've clicked thus far.
orientation was definitely boring, and just a lot of information and skits performed by the upperclassmen. the most overwhelming presentation was the safety presentation we got from our security. i think they were trying to put a clear message out there that chicago and the area that our school is in, is absolutely the most dangerous place to be... i think the most overwhelming part was where they told us to be careful at bars and date rape drugs, saying that if something is slipped in your drink, "you're out for hours, and you never know what could happen in 2-3 hours, a gang bang lasts only 15 minutes." that was unecessary for him to share with us, and maybe even a little bit inappropriate for me to put on here, i don't want to worry anyone. but i am going to be sure to be careful and cautious, travel in large groups, and maybe make some good guy friends (for only safety reasons). hehe jk, guys are more useful than just our protectors. our class is about 65% female, and i've noticed that males like to play the role of leader and protector.
so n-e ways, i'm safe, and adjusting well.
big SHOUT OUT to IRIS my sis-in-law for picking me up at the airport, letting me stay at her place, taking me to target, and just taking care of me. =) it's definitely comforting to know that she's here and that bryan will be here soon.
shout outs to les and kelvin for getting me stuff from shanghai, bryan for marrying iris and encouraging me to come out to chicago, amy for aiming me and making sure i'm ok, p and linto for coming out to have lunch with me while i had a layover in houston, big SHOUT OUT to KATIE my other sis-in-law (hehe) for helping me move my stuff left in austin up to houston. shout out to tiff for buying and storing my bed from me, vicks for taking care of apt stuff, ariel for encouragement and prayers. i miss my roommates (and fifth roommate debbie), i didn't even get to properly say goodbye to pb. but it's ok we'll all see each other again. thanks to anyone else that has helped and been there these past couple of weeks with the transition.
have lots and lots more i can say, but i think this read has been long enough. talk to ya'll later.
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| i got into bed around 3 am ish last night, i was woken up at 7:30 to go have breakfast with my parents. sigh, i'm tired. if time didn't matter i would want to stay and help them out at the restaurant, but a part of me is kind of just ready to pursue what it is that my life is suppose to become.
time is ticking, and today must be compliment day, because my dad in his own subtle ways is trying to express how proud he is of me. so we were in the car on the way back from the store, and my dad says... in four years you'll be done, and then all you need to do is find a good husband. you can work or you can not work after you graduate. and i was like... what? i didn't study hard and i mean hard, and the next two years are gonna be the hardest i've ever studied in my life, to become someone's wife. dude, if that were the case, i wouldn't even go to chicago. it's kind of disturbing, but i also know what he means. he's just telling me to look around and choose a good husband, like lesley. of course he has to throw in the lesley thing. man she really ruined it for me and amy when she married kelvin. we now have this huge standard to live up to. heheh jk.
so i got my first chicago memorobilia (sp?) the other night. a chicago bears/cubs? baseball cap. =) it was really thoughtful and sweet. when people do those kind of things, it makes me feel incredibly blessed. like when p sent me that cute optometry chick with the glasses, the moment he found out i got into the school. i don't think recieving gifts is one of my love languages (cuz i don't really understand the love language quiz thingy anyway), but it just makes me feel fortunate and special, that people are so thoughtful. this is something that i'd like to learn and implement into the ways that i can show people how i care for them.
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| so the night continues and my mom is up watching anne of green gables (with no chinese tv may i remind u) in the tv room, i'm in my room watching elizabethtown. so i get up for a second to be with her.
i climb onto the couch that she's laying on and i wrap up close to her, and i ask her to paht paht me (the equivalent of rocking a baby to sleep, but the chinese way). and i think to myself... i wonder if it sucks to be a mom, to have to paht paht your children to sleep, and when does it end? i'm 21 almost 22 and i have just asked my mother to paht paht me. i always get like this right before i'm about to leave them. there's always a couple of moments before i leave where i snuggle close to my mom and just close my eyes and tell myself that i'm going to remember this moment forever. as though i'm leaving my childhood behind. but i'm hopeful. i've been saying that every summer and christmas that i've been in college, yet i still am able to be childlike and curl up next to my mother each time i come back.
for some reason i've always had this innate feeling that i can't wait to be a mom, hah. and it's all very ideal. but thinking about it, i have mixed feelings, cuz i'm still just a child myself. i had this picture in my head about what the future could look like. well i have four more years of school and i guess that's when i'll be forced to become an adult. but for the time being, i'll be glad to come to my parents home and enjoy being my father and mother's child.
p.s. elizabethtown is a great movie
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| so, i've been in ep for about a month, and i think i've worked almost every day at the restaurant while i've been here. today is tuesday, one of my last tuesdays here, and we all (my family and i) look forward to this day, it is the one day out of the week that the restaurant closes. however, it has been raining all night and day today and there is no way we can drive anywhere and go anywhere. we're sittin here watching the news about all of the flooding, the sattelite tv isn't workin' for the parental unit (chinese tv).
so since we are forced to sit here in the house all day, i suppose some writting would be appropriate to alleviate some boredom and provide some distraction.
i leave to chicago in about 12 days. i feel like i'm in high school again, leaving for college. only this time i know absolutely no one going to the illinois college of optometry. heh. this could be a good thing and a bad thing i suppose. going to ut, i had lots and lots of eyes watching me, and i admit i was a bit bitter about this. going to chicago i have less eyes. hopefully my brother and sister-in-law won't be watching too closely, they are newlyweds afterall. =P
there is much more that i could go on and on about, but i know how long entries are an absolute no no.
to be continued... perhaps later today =P
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